he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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