hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
