my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
