Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
