At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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