I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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