he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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