now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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