1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
