his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
