he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
