I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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