I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
