dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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