He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
