Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
