She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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