Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
