Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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