I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
