I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
