I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
