I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
