Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
