Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
please come you make the beer taste better
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
