can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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