he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
