She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
