My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize