STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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