Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
