So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
