i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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