My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize