Best friends brother. Beat that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
