I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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