You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
