Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
thus making me awesome and them whores
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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