Me. At least after what I've been through.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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