Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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