Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She bit a glass in half.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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