Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
