at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He better not be in your backpack
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
