I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
