well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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