well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
