Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
