If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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