Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
