spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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