you would pick up someone in the library
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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