and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize