how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
