If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
