Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
