Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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