Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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