3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
