He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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