You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
