i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
