yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize