Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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