apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
