There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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