I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
