dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize