shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
