I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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